into pieces.

Shreds of paper; flying, tearing, falling
From deep within me, to the ground.
I feel trapped, so scared,
like nothing is within my grasp.

Why must I feel this way?
I have no control.
Emotions over take me.
I transform,
Into something I hate.
Someone I hate even more.
I scare myself.

Who have I become?
How can a single soul be so afraid?
Something who they cannot erase, instilled in them forever.
Flesh, blood, tears, a life,
an unfamiliar being.
Created out of angst.
Created from the depths of the soul.
A crying, fearing, screaming soul.
One throught to have been so brave;
proven so weak.
Weaker than a new born,
more vulnerable to herself than to anyone else.
So afraid, so alone.
Only one question remains.

Why? Why do I cry so many tears?
Having been so blessed,
blessed and thankful.
Thankfulness fills my body,
nevertheless.
I am left with feeling only emptiness.

Inside is hollow.
Why is this?
So much, so many fill my heart,
warm my smile.
However, I still cannot wipe the pain
from my head straight down.
Down. Down. Down to my toes.
It shivers throughout me,
paining me, scaring me.

I feel defenceless.
I am defenceless.
I will not let it take the best of me.
Wishing only for those around me.
Whom I love the dearest to know.
Understand my love.
the excellence that they make me feel.
Make me believe.
If not of them, their belief in me.
Their knowledge of what, and what is real.
Their strength to believe in me.
Knowing that these fears, explosions, nothing of their fault or of their shame.
But against my will, I feel drowned in my own soul.
Loss of self-control, for this I apologize.