what once was a pretty portrait

The Lee Valley, Co. Cork, Ireland

Thinking back on the way that you used to look at me, the way you used to make me feel, like there was nothing better than we could be, that our love was true, so real.
I can't forget the times we shared or the way that you made me laugh, and though I don't like to mention it, I'm forever thinking of the good times that we had.
Years have passed now and I've looked back upon the times; the smiles we shared, the love we had, it all has yet to leave my mind.
The thing about the way I felt is that it never really came unglued. There is a part of me that will always feel slightly lost knowing that those dreams we dreamt will not come true. 
With you I grew, I saw, and I learned about life and all things askew; as we lived our lives together we drew up our plans of our tale, all that mattered was me and you. You know that the love I gave you was simply how I felt; everything felt so safe beside you, so I never had a doubt. And when you crossed that line you did I've never felt so lost, because of the faith I truly had in you, our end was not the only cost.
I never wanted to learn to hate you, loving you forever was what I'd planned to do. I never wanted to see you hurting, but sadly now that is what gets me through.  I know what and how much I would have done, only to prove to you - you were it, but I now have a new life and dreams, I've been given a new view.
You were my first, my one true love, that's what I knew and felt, but as young love is, I was naive to the story my life would be dealt.  I loved you once upon a time and saw a future for us that was clear, today that same dream of love is one of the largest of my fears.
With each smile I am given and each compliment I receive, I cannot help but question if such kindness will only leave me hurt from a man who will inevitably deceive. It irks my mind that I once felt so sure about something that was not. It makes me scared for those future dreams that perhaps aren't right and should never be sought. Vulnerable to what could be love, with caution I've lost such will to try. For the sake of my own survival, out of harms way my heart must lie.
What once was a pretty portrait, a feeling of love that was so free, is now a memory of a love I felt and prayed would never not be. Ruined by the persistence of a forever encroaching dark and gloomy sky, I remember the good of what once was keeping such naivety alive.